We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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