Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
