I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
