God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
