I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
