apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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