i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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