I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
