The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
