dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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