Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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