this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
PANTIES FOUND
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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