why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I need to stop coming to work sober
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
