walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
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We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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