You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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