There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
