dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
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Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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