i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
