I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
