My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize