I think my vagina is haunted
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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