I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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