Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
