i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
