My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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