this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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