you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
