the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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