his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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