I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize