i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
