First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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