I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
