we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
