making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
