Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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