do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
