i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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