I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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