I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
