yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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