Life is so much better after having sex.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?