His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation