Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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