I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.