I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
