I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
