Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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