the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
