I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think my fart just growled at me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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