We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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