____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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