you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
