I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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