Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
