I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
