Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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