I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Duck Duck Cougar?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
