I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
