She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
