It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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