Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
