It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
