Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
