He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
