I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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