I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
