I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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