So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
