She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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