Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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