Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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