Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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