Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
