It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
